jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
