You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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