Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
