Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
