dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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