I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
