Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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