I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
