Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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