oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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