i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
