He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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