u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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