Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize