I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
