I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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