you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Randomize
