my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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