You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
