Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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