i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
