I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Houston, we have a blender
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
