McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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