I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It was a blind-side dick pic.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
