You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize