worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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