Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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