That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
