i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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