with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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