so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
