All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
