The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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