Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
