i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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