So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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