Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
