I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
