This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize