Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
