just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
