Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We're too hungover to prance.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
