a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
