what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
