then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
this is an emotional support booty call
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
