it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
