...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
