I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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