i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
