I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
