Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
