I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
