This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
