If that was your dad, he is hot
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
