fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
