Girls should come with a carfax report
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
