new low.... made out with someone while peeing
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
