that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
MIDGETS
????
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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