my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize