How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
