Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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