So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
