If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
