So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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