I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize