is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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