last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
