i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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