hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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