just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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