I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
