you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Operation Purity has been aborted
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
