Your tits are I can't wait for
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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