im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize